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Feel the Pain
series: Assassin's Creed
characters: Malik Al-Sayf, Kadar Al-Sayf, Altair Ibn-La'Ahad
rating: PG
summary: Kadar is dead and Malik can do nothing but feel the pain.
He forces himself to numbness before Kadar even takes his last breaths. When he carries the bleeding, ragged, near dead body to a secluded area where the Templars shouldn't be able to find them he forces himself not to feel anything. He doesn't feel the vibrations of his brither's chest against his back when he coughs, the burn in his arm that won't work properly, or the tightening of his chest when he hears Kadar wheeze out a breath or struggle to say his name. If he allows himself to feel anything right now, he is certain he would end up acting as rashly as Altair had and look where that landed them - he's got a useless arm and his brother will not make it out of here alive.
Malik finds a semi-clear spot to lay Kadar on and kneels by his side for a few minutes, but it only takes seconds for his chest to stop it's unsteady rise and fall and the hoarse sound of his breathing to turn into silence. Kadar is dead before Malik can even apologize for allowing him to come on this mission as he wants to, for allowing him to suffer for the mistakes of one man who thought himself so far above everyone else that he didn't care who he hurt when he messed up. He lays his hand on Kadar's chest and curls it into a fist, bunching up the cloth of his robes. Of everyone in the Brotherhood, the man who lies dead in front of him is not the one who should have died here. He is not the one who should have been burdened with a mission as dangerous as this and the longer his hand stays on his chest and feels no movement, the harder it gets to keep himself numb. His extensive knowledge has taught him many things about the more gruesome aspects of life - how to end a life, how to save a life, and how to deal with it when one of his brothers in arms dies. It did not, however, teach him how to handle it when his brother in flesh and blood dies.
He feels like a failure, kneeling here beside the dead body of the one who he depended on so much. Yes, Kadar was the younger one, but Malik depended on him far more than anyone probably ever realized. He's certain that without Kadar he would be a very different person, perhaps more like Altair who had no one to keep him grounded, no one to remind him that they were not just fighting for themselves, but for so much more. Malik feels like a failure for not doing more to prevent Kadar from looking up to Altair so much. Perhaps if he had done more to keep the two away from each other, Kadar would not have been so eager to accept the mission. A mission with his brother and the greatest Assassin the Brotherhood has to offer, he would say - how could he say no to a mission like that? Malik should have forced him to say no.
From somewhere nearby he can hear the Templars approaching. He needs to get out of here fast, but he can't bring himself to leave his brother's body. He can't bring it back to Masayf with him, that much he knows for certain. It would take too much time to drag it out of the temple and make sure nothing happened to it on the long way back to the fortress. He's not even sure he'd be able to get Kadar onto a horse with one arm. The second option would be attempting to bury the body here , but as he thinks this he can here them getting closer and he realizes that he would not have the time to do that. The Templars are looking for him and the artifact and if he didn't leave in a few minutes they would get both. Even with two arms it would take to much time and that thought is enough to break the walls he'd managed to keep around his emotions until now. There's a surge of anger at everything - at the dirt, at the artifact hanging at his hip, at the Templars, at Altair, at the world - everything.
He can't bring himself to look back at Kadar when he starts running out of the place - he's afraid that if he does he'll lose all resolve to complete the mission and opt to stay. If he died he would be with Kadar again and a reunion with his brother is not something he would say no to under any circumstance. He can't do that, though. He wants to remain the man Kadar knew him as - a man dedicated to his job and put the Brotherhood above everything except for his real brother. So he runs. He runs, keeping his good hand on the bag at his hip to make sure that it doesn't fall, and makes his way to his horse for the long journey back.
For the first time since childhood, Malik allows tears to fall freely. There is no one around to see and even if there's were he can't bring himself to care. His brother is dead, his arm useless, and the one whose fault it is has escaped with hardly a scratch. It's a disgusting thought that Altair would likely get off with minimal punishment while his brother is dead and his body left to rot in a strange place with only Templars left to do what they saw fit with it. His tears are not solely tears of sadness, though there is plenty of that. They are of anger, frustration, regret, and disgust. They are of every negative emotion one could possibly feel and they don't stop until he gets to his destination and that is only because he wills them to. He can't show weakness to these people who probably wouldn't feel even a fraction of the sadness they should feel at the thought of losing a man who was better than them in every way imaginable.
When he gets to Al-Mualim's office he wants to do nothing more than throw the stupid treasure at Altair's head. He says that he and Kadar are dead and he would be happier of that were really the truth, but it isn't.
"Not dead. I still live..."
Altair says nothing during all of this and that only makes him hate the man more. Kadar is dead because of Altair and he can't even bother to try and justify his pathetic actions in Malik's presence. Kadar is dead because of Altair and Malik would like nothing more than to kill the man and make him suffer as Kadar suffered, but he would not want to give him the chance to be with Kadar again before him.
Kadar is dead because of Altair and Malik can do nothing but feel more pain than one man should be able to handle.
characters: Malik Al-Sayf, Kadar Al-Sayf, Altair Ibn-La'Ahad
rating: PG
summary: Kadar is dead and Malik can do nothing but feel the pain.
He forces himself to numbness before Kadar even takes his last breaths. When he carries the bleeding, ragged, near dead body to a secluded area where the Templars shouldn't be able to find them he forces himself not to feel anything. He doesn't feel the vibrations of his brither's chest against his back when he coughs, the burn in his arm that won't work properly, or the tightening of his chest when he hears Kadar wheeze out a breath or struggle to say his name. If he allows himself to feel anything right now, he is certain he would end up acting as rashly as Altair had and look where that landed them - he's got a useless arm and his brother will not make it out of here alive.
Malik finds a semi-clear spot to lay Kadar on and kneels by his side for a few minutes, but it only takes seconds for his chest to stop it's unsteady rise and fall and the hoarse sound of his breathing to turn into silence. Kadar is dead before Malik can even apologize for allowing him to come on this mission as he wants to, for allowing him to suffer for the mistakes of one man who thought himself so far above everyone else that he didn't care who he hurt when he messed up. He lays his hand on Kadar's chest and curls it into a fist, bunching up the cloth of his robes. Of everyone in the Brotherhood, the man who lies dead in front of him is not the one who should have died here. He is not the one who should have been burdened with a mission as dangerous as this and the longer his hand stays on his chest and feels no movement, the harder it gets to keep himself numb. His extensive knowledge has taught him many things about the more gruesome aspects of life - how to end a life, how to save a life, and how to deal with it when one of his brothers in arms dies. It did not, however, teach him how to handle it when his brother in flesh and blood dies.
He feels like a failure, kneeling here beside the dead body of the one who he depended on so much. Yes, Kadar was the younger one, but Malik depended on him far more than anyone probably ever realized. He's certain that without Kadar he would be a very different person, perhaps more like Altair who had no one to keep him grounded, no one to remind him that they were not just fighting for themselves, but for so much more. Malik feels like a failure for not doing more to prevent Kadar from looking up to Altair so much. Perhaps if he had done more to keep the two away from each other, Kadar would not have been so eager to accept the mission. A mission with his brother and the greatest Assassin the Brotherhood has to offer, he would say - how could he say no to a mission like that? Malik should have forced him to say no.
From somewhere nearby he can hear the Templars approaching. He needs to get out of here fast, but he can't bring himself to leave his brother's body. He can't bring it back to Masayf with him, that much he knows for certain. It would take too much time to drag it out of the temple and make sure nothing happened to it on the long way back to the fortress. He's not even sure he'd be able to get Kadar onto a horse with one arm. The second option would be attempting to bury the body here , but as he thinks this he can here them getting closer and he realizes that he would not have the time to do that. The Templars are looking for him and the artifact and if he didn't leave in a few minutes they would get both. Even with two arms it would take to much time and that thought is enough to break the walls he'd managed to keep around his emotions until now. There's a surge of anger at everything - at the dirt, at the artifact hanging at his hip, at the Templars, at Altair, at the world - everything.
He can't bring himself to look back at Kadar when he starts running out of the place - he's afraid that if he does he'll lose all resolve to complete the mission and opt to stay. If he died he would be with Kadar again and a reunion with his brother is not something he would say no to under any circumstance. He can't do that, though. He wants to remain the man Kadar knew him as - a man dedicated to his job and put the Brotherhood above everything except for his real brother. So he runs. He runs, keeping his good hand on the bag at his hip to make sure that it doesn't fall, and makes his way to his horse for the long journey back.
For the first time since childhood, Malik allows tears to fall freely. There is no one around to see and even if there's were he can't bring himself to care. His brother is dead, his arm useless, and the one whose fault it is has escaped with hardly a scratch. It's a disgusting thought that Altair would likely get off with minimal punishment while his brother is dead and his body left to rot in a strange place with only Templars left to do what they saw fit with it. His tears are not solely tears of sadness, though there is plenty of that. They are of anger, frustration, regret, and disgust. They are of every negative emotion one could possibly feel and they don't stop until he gets to his destination and that is only because he wills them to. He can't show weakness to these people who probably wouldn't feel even a fraction of the sadness they should feel at the thought of losing a man who was better than them in every way imaginable.
When he gets to Al-Mualim's office he wants to do nothing more than throw the stupid treasure at Altair's head. He says that he and Kadar are dead and he would be happier of that were really the truth, but it isn't.
"Not dead. I still live..."
Altair says nothing during all of this and that only makes him hate the man more. Kadar is dead because of Altair and he can't even bother to try and justify his pathetic actions in Malik's presence. Kadar is dead because of Altair and Malik would like nothing more than to kill the man and make him suffer as Kadar suffered, but he would not want to give him the chance to be with Kadar again before him.
Kadar is dead because of Altair and Malik can do nothing but feel more pain than one man should be able to handle.