![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Wouldn't Change a Thing
series: Kuroshitsuji/Siren's Pull
pairing: Alois/Ciel
rating: PG
summary: Ciel is left alone with his thoughts
There's something funny about finding someone who's gone through the same things as you have - the same horrible, disgusting, miserable things. These are things that no one should have to experience and yet, they have. The funny only comes into play in a very morbid sense, though, not the sort of funny that's very easy to laugh at unless you're about to go off the deep end. It's funny because it's almost like looking in a mirror, despite the differing appearances. The hair color, the height, the clothes are all different, but the eyes are the same. The same lonely, hateful, spiteful look is embedded deep within those eyes and that makes all the difference. That's what makes them so similar, that's what makes the air between them feel like a mirror and the boy standing on the other side simply a reflection in the glass because there shouldn't be anyone else who could have a look on their eyes quite like that. There shouldn't be, but there is.
There’s no question in Ciel’s mind that this is, in large part, why he is so attracted to Alois Trancy. That isn't to say that he is in anyway hard to look at, quite the contrary, but there is something to be said for having such a strong connection to one person. And yet, at the same time, that very same connection makes a relationship very difficult. The connection of having been through something so terrible that it caused the need to summon a demon, the connection to those demons that leaves a very bleak and dark future no matter how happy they are right now. They hate the connection almost as much as they love each other and it's strange. Sebastian isn't here, but he still has some sort of hold over Ciel. It's a hold that he both fears and depends on all at once and the lack of Sebastian's presence is terrifying and relieving at the same time. The demon causes such a mix of emotions in Ciel and it makes him sick. It makes him so sick and he hopes that Sebastian never comes to Siren's Port ever again. Underneath all that he thinks it's terrible not to have him here. If Claude is here, Sebastian should be too.
He turns his fork in his hands, just staring piece of cake on it. This is either the most boring game of chess he's ever metaphorically played, or the most eventful. The forkful of cake doesn't make it past that thought. Two kings who care nothing about taking the others pieces, - or even winning the game, for that matter - a mostly absentee knight, another one who is determined at all costs to somehow keep both kings for himself, and two pawns who know next to nothing about the game they're part of. He stabs his fork in the cake with more force than necessary and frowns. Claude disgusts him as much as Sebastian does, if not more. Honestly, he doesn't care where his soul ends up when all is said and done, but at least Sebastian knows to keep his hands off someone else's meal.
Perhaps it’s a strange way of thinking to think that one demon should have his soul over another rather than hoping that neither demon would get his soul, but that doesn’t matter. His soul is already as black as the icing on this cake and soon enough his soul really would be nothing more than a sweet meal to be eaten just as he’s eating the cake. It was inevitable, really, that even in Sebastian’s absence he’s unable to do anything but resign himself to that fate – the fate of the damned. The next bite of cake leaves an impossibly sweet taste in Ciel’s mouth (the opposite of his soul, he’s sure) and he pushes the rest of his slice away in favor of the cookies that had been left over from the night before.
He thinks of these things and yet, what does it matter? He can’t change anything, can’t do anything to stop the inevitable, he barely even has control over his own life lately, how could he possibly do anything to keep any of that from being true. Life in Siren’s Port is far more preferable to his life at the place he once called home, and yet there is always a faint sense of dissatisfaction. He likes plenty of the people he’s met well enough and he doesn’t have to deal with the constant movement and excitement that his old life had, but it’s not enough to keep that feeling away. There have been plenty of horrid things to happen to him here and when those things aren’t going on life seems to be very stagnant. His life here is strange, even considering all he’s been through, and he’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it.
The pointless thoughts end there and after that he occupies his mind by eating what’s left of the cookies and finishing the once rejected slice of cake. He refrains from having a slice of pie after that.
At some point, Alois comes into the kitchen to fetch him. It’s late, isn’t he coming to bed? All it takes is a pout to make Ciel slide out of his chair with a sigh and follow the blonde boy. When he talks, Ciel thinks he can see a hint of the contract on his tongue and that thought makes his own covered eye burn for just a moment until he pushes that observation to the back of his mind. It’s tiring and frustrating to think of those things and he’d rather only think of the boy in front of him. Ciel isn’t typically a fan of physical contact, but he makes an exception for Alois and laces their fingers together.
The touch is comforting. The understanding, the knowing what the other has been through – is still going through –, it’s enough to make him care for Alois in a way he didn’t think he could care for another person. It’s the physical contact that comforts him through all of that, though; it’s being able to feel that he isn’t just imagining this person who understands him so well, being able to know that it’s all real. It’s comforting because even though a person’s presence or absence in Siren’s Port can change in the blink of an eye, he’s here now. He’s here now and he’s not alone. It’s easy to feel lonely in this house, despite the number of people who live here, but there’s only one person that can ever take that feeling away completely and he can feel him here. It’s amazing how touch can do that for him.
It’s a bit unnerving to think of what a tangled mess their original connection comes from, the web of lies and horrible things that their lives are made of, but he wouldn’t change it if he could. He wouldn’t want to lose this touch, this understanding, this feeling. They’re connected in ways nobody else could ever imagine and it isn’t something he could ever dream of giving up so easily.
pairing: Alois/Ciel
rating: PG
summary: Ciel is left alone with his thoughts
There's something funny about finding someone who's gone through the same things as you have - the same horrible, disgusting, miserable things. These are things that no one should have to experience and yet, they have. The funny only comes into play in a very morbid sense, though, not the sort of funny that's very easy to laugh at unless you're about to go off the deep end. It's funny because it's almost like looking in a mirror, despite the differing appearances. The hair color, the height, the clothes are all different, but the eyes are the same. The same lonely, hateful, spiteful look is embedded deep within those eyes and that makes all the difference. That's what makes them so similar, that's what makes the air between them feel like a mirror and the boy standing on the other side simply a reflection in the glass because there shouldn't be anyone else who could have a look on their eyes quite like that. There shouldn't be, but there is.
There’s no question in Ciel’s mind that this is, in large part, why he is so attracted to Alois Trancy. That isn't to say that he is in anyway hard to look at, quite the contrary, but there is something to be said for having such a strong connection to one person. And yet, at the same time, that very same connection makes a relationship very difficult. The connection of having been through something so terrible that it caused the need to summon a demon, the connection to those demons that leaves a very bleak and dark future no matter how happy they are right now. They hate the connection almost as much as they love each other and it's strange. Sebastian isn't here, but he still has some sort of hold over Ciel. It's a hold that he both fears and depends on all at once and the lack of Sebastian's presence is terrifying and relieving at the same time. The demon causes such a mix of emotions in Ciel and it makes him sick. It makes him so sick and he hopes that Sebastian never comes to Siren's Port ever again. Underneath all that he thinks it's terrible not to have him here. If Claude is here, Sebastian should be too.
He turns his fork in his hands, just staring piece of cake on it. This is either the most boring game of chess he's ever metaphorically played, or the most eventful. The forkful of cake doesn't make it past that thought. Two kings who care nothing about taking the others pieces, - or even winning the game, for that matter - a mostly absentee knight, another one who is determined at all costs to somehow keep both kings for himself, and two pawns who know next to nothing about the game they're part of. He stabs his fork in the cake with more force than necessary and frowns. Claude disgusts him as much as Sebastian does, if not more. Honestly, he doesn't care where his soul ends up when all is said and done, but at least Sebastian knows to keep his hands off someone else's meal.
Perhaps it’s a strange way of thinking to think that one demon should have his soul over another rather than hoping that neither demon would get his soul, but that doesn’t matter. His soul is already as black as the icing on this cake and soon enough his soul really would be nothing more than a sweet meal to be eaten just as he’s eating the cake. It was inevitable, really, that even in Sebastian’s absence he’s unable to do anything but resign himself to that fate – the fate of the damned. The next bite of cake leaves an impossibly sweet taste in Ciel’s mouth (the opposite of his soul, he’s sure) and he pushes the rest of his slice away in favor of the cookies that had been left over from the night before.
He thinks of these things and yet, what does it matter? He can’t change anything, can’t do anything to stop the inevitable, he barely even has control over his own life lately, how could he possibly do anything to keep any of that from being true. Life in Siren’s Port is far more preferable to his life at the place he once called home, and yet there is always a faint sense of dissatisfaction. He likes plenty of the people he’s met well enough and he doesn’t have to deal with the constant movement and excitement that his old life had, but it’s not enough to keep that feeling away. There have been plenty of horrid things to happen to him here and when those things aren’t going on life seems to be very stagnant. His life here is strange, even considering all he’s been through, and he’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it.
The pointless thoughts end there and after that he occupies his mind by eating what’s left of the cookies and finishing the once rejected slice of cake. He refrains from having a slice of pie after that.
At some point, Alois comes into the kitchen to fetch him. It’s late, isn’t he coming to bed? All it takes is a pout to make Ciel slide out of his chair with a sigh and follow the blonde boy. When he talks, Ciel thinks he can see a hint of the contract on his tongue and that thought makes his own covered eye burn for just a moment until he pushes that observation to the back of his mind. It’s tiring and frustrating to think of those things and he’d rather only think of the boy in front of him. Ciel isn’t typically a fan of physical contact, but he makes an exception for Alois and laces their fingers together.
The touch is comforting. The understanding, the knowing what the other has been through – is still going through –, it’s enough to make him care for Alois in a way he didn’t think he could care for another person. It’s the physical contact that comforts him through all of that, though; it’s being able to feel that he isn’t just imagining this person who understands him so well, being able to know that it’s all real. It’s comforting because even though a person’s presence or absence in Siren’s Port can change in the blink of an eye, he’s here now. He’s here now and he’s not alone. It’s easy to feel lonely in this house, despite the number of people who live here, but there’s only one person that can ever take that feeling away completely and he can feel him here. It’s amazing how touch can do that for him.
It’s a bit unnerving to think of what a tangled mess their original connection comes from, the web of lies and horrible things that their lives are made of, but he wouldn’t change it if he could. He wouldn’t want to lose this touch, this understanding, this feeling. They’re connected in ways nobody else could ever imagine and it isn’t something he could ever dream of giving up so easily.